The Thing About Bets
Author’s Note:
> Comment from Fudge Gets Told Off
> jadesabrexiv chapter 8 (Mar 7)
> Good fic with a small mini problem;
> You didn’t include any of the payouts from the various wagers that were put forth. I was honestly looking forward to seeing a few of the interactions from the bets based on D staying silent.
> (To be honest, I was hoping D would overhear t an exchange or two just to see his reaction. That and possibly seeing/hearing HHr’s reactions would have been hilarious.
Looks like I have another add-on fic here! I thought about tacking this one as another chapter of Fudge Gets Told Off, but realized that it would mess up the flow of that story. Still, go read that one first if you haven’t already. Also, send a word of thanks to jadesabrexiv for giving me the inspiration to write out this one.
I will be switching points of view between conversations in the courtroom, since wizards and witches looooove to bet on many things, apparently.
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It wasn't like Dumbledore was above a few pranks. He'd pranked Filius several times, Severus twice, Poppy four times, and Minerva once.
The last one was the reason he'd had to go see Poppy about the rather embarrassing condition he found himself in that kept him from sitting comfortably. Poppy had hemmed and hawed after finding out ‘who done it,’ and the old man had been starting to think that she was doing it on purpose in payback. If that was really the case, he couldn't say that he blamed her. Not when he had charmed her various tools to sing some of the most catchy and irritating songs that existed every time she picked them up. That had gone on for two days, since he forgot to set a time limit on the charm.
Everyone had been looking at him oddly after that, and it was hard to keep up his Headmasterly air of indifference. Since he wasn't in the Hospital Wing to see his prank trigger, he didn't hear what had happened. It didn't take long for the Weasley Twins, Harry Potter, Filius, Severus, and Minerva to be eliminated as suspects after Poppy calmed down enough to think about it. Finally he asked Minerva why everyone was looking at him with very odd glances.
The acerbic answer "There's not many people in the castle that listened to music from the year 1900 when it was first released, Albus," made him wince.
Well... oops?
The glare he got from Poppy had promised that his next Board of Education-required physical was going to be quite exhaustive in nature. At least the Weasley Twins, young Harry, and Filius thought it was hilarious. Severus hadn't reacted past a cool gaze, which was a bit disappointing to be honest. He was going to have to think of something to appease Poppy and distract Minerva. The first was going to be a real trick and the second would have to involve something other than catnip. He'd already tried that once, and it didn't go well for him at all. His deputy wasn't impressed, to put it mildly.
So, he was glad to be out of the castle today and even though it was in a stuffier place – the Wizengamot – it let him focus some of his not-inconsiderable brainpower on that problem as he sat in his International Confederation of Wizards seat for young Cornelius' trial.
Such a sad thing. Not the trial, of course. The fact that he had to switch robes to match his appointment. Dumbledore conceded that the dark robes that the ICW did look rather professional for the gravity of many of the things that came before that body, but was he did wish there was at least some piping or contrast stripes or something. There were times that some of the more haggard and thin members looked most unfortunately like a Dementor.
Then again, others looked nothing like that. Instead they rivaled Hagrid in rotundness.
It was one reason, among many, that he had such a long beard. That, and he had read something in the late thirties that had a character like that. It amused him and that had made him decide to try it for himself.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone making a bet about his ability to be quiet. He started to say something, then realized that he would have made the first man an easy ten galleons. Dumbledore thought that he was worth more than that, of course, but didn't want to express himself verbally and prove the point.
To be honest, if he had been in the gallery and hadn't been who he was, he would have made the bet too.
It was a good thing Minerva wasn't here. She would have taken that bet. It wouldn't have ended well for him either way. If she had won, she would have been smug and if she had lost, well, he would have had to either listen to her ask him for the next month 'why he couldn't be quiet instead of sticking his crooked nose into business that wasn't his.'
Another reason for the beard, he thought. It hid his wince at the thought. His nose was crooked for a reason and well, he didn't want to get into a debate about the other part. It was hard enough winning those with her without giving her something to argue about.
A tidbit of conversation caught his ear again.
“Where does he find them anyway?”
“Don’t have the slightest. Why, you jealous, Nate?”
“Noooo, not at all. Katie would have my hide if I wore something like that.”
There was a delightful boutique that had wonderful selections, although he had to admit that there was one or two or maybe six that even he wouldn't wear. Those had colors that made his eyes hurt, in combinations that he'd never seen before. Considering his age, he'd seen a lot.
Hmm... Maybe I'll find this Katie and see if she'd like to pull a prank on her husband. Frankie's got to get those out of his stock anyway, he mused.
“Madam Bones, are you ready to begin?”
Now there was a grump if every there was one. Jacob did the part justice, he did. Dumbledore knew that it wasn't an act, however. He really was that way, but he'd make sure that things were 'ship-shape and Bristol fashion,' to coin a phrase. It was something that he'd heard the other man say on rare occasions when he wasn't being as grumpy, and it fit as well as anything. Dumbledore didn't want to think about the Wizengamot sinking like a ship at sea, but there it was.
Amelia Bones. Now there was another one. She was aging before her time from the stress, unfortunately, but there was nothing for it. She was intent on performing her job to the best of her admittedly high ability. They had a few clashes of a professional nature, and sure enough there were some that he'd lost, but she had made sure that the ones she won was beyond reproach as far as her reasons. Politics got on her nerves, even though one didn't rise to her level without a solid understanding of it.
Perley Bateson. Well, he could have done without that one. Some people had more time at the slime bucket than others and Dumbledore privately thought that Bateson had taken several others' slots. If Cornelius had that one, then it was not going to be a clean trial unless Madam Bones pulled something out of her bag of tricks.
On that thought, he looked at the woman again.
Oh. Oh, she was definitely up to something, he could tell. She had the same look on her face that she had when she boxed him in. Others couldn't see it as she went through her opening statement, but he could surely see it.
Dumbledore sat back, his face composed into an inquisitive mien. He didn't react at the use of the word 'somatogenetic,' but he'd have to look it up and have someone explain it to him. Maybe Filius or one of his Ravenclaws would be kind enough to do so. This opening statement was less than inspiring to him and he'd sat through some doozies in his role as Chief Warlock. To be honest, it never got much better in his role of Supreme Mugwump.
Wait, what's this? 'Lord Doctor Daniel Granger?'
]-|=|-[
"He sat up for that one. Who's this Lord Doctor she's talking about?"
"Dunno."
"The last name sounds familiar." There was a pause as Nate thought. "There's a muggleborn girl at Hogwarts with my Emily with that name. Smart as the dickens, she says. If Emily’s the one saying that, then there’s got to be something to that."
"Maybe this is her da? Bloke looks like he means business."
"Yeah, don't want to meet him in a dark alley. But what's this 'Lord Doctor' business?"
"Got me. Now shut up. Maybe we'll find out."
"Dumbledore still hasn't said anything."
"Shush!"
]-|=|-[
Dumbledore missed that bit of repartee as he was focused on the unpleasantness with Corbin Yaxley. There was a young man that really should have had a paddling or two, even though the Headmaster didn't normally believe in such things. He listened to what Mister Granger, well 'Lord Doctor' Granger was saying in response to Madam Bones' question.
His jaw dropped.
Magic had visited Daniel Granger and elevated him?
]-|=|-[
Elsewhere in the gallery, there were mutters ongoing.
"Quick, I'll bet five sickles that old Morley-Liddlecoat blows his top in the next fifteen minutes."
Several people agreed, but one man shook his head.
"You're all on. I don't think he'll last five."
“Sure, Jimmy, sure.”
There was a bit of derision in that statement. It didn't take long for Jimmy to sit back with a smirk.
"Thanks, suckers. Now I can get some of that terrible stuff they pretend to call coffee and a sandwich. Those at least aren't bad. Too much, anyway."
There was general agreement with that statement, then the group looked down.
"Wow. How did he do that flaming hand, anyway? We think he's a muggle, right?"
"Ask him later. Maybe he’ll show you."
]-|=|-[
Ten minutes later, all thoughts of asking Dan Granger anything had skipped minds all over the room. His medal had transfigured into a shield to protect him from a Killing Curse, and still Dumbledore had said not a word.
Instead, the buzz was over the revelation of Sanctuary being granted to Sirius Black – the escaped murderer… but there was doubt in the room now. The look on the Lord Doctor’s face directed to his wife, filled with the love that he expressed non-verbally as the Curse raced toward him had managed to bolster the Sanctuary offering’s rightness, somehow.
After the memory of the conversation with Magic was played, there was no bets being made or filled or paid off. There was simply too much that had happened in the last little bit of time and testimony that a little friendly wagering had been the last thing on everyone’s mind.
Unforgivables had a way of doing that.
The proof of Sirius Black having had no trial made sure of that, and people were looking at each other with a lot of uneasiness. This didn’t sound like anything any of them wanted to think about, and it worried everyone. Those with less than upright dealings with others seemed to be able to hold a straight face better than those without.
What was going to happen next? They all wondered that, some more than once.
]-|=|-[
“Nate?”
“Yeah?”
“The old goat still hasn’t said anything. You notice?”
“No, but I’m not bothered about that right now. The Potter boy’s got to be coming up sooner or later. Besides, my heart’s still going pitter-pat from that Killing Curse.”
“Me too. You think he will?”
“Yeah. You think Madam Bones wouldn’t miss the chance to have him speak?”
“Good point.”
It would take them a while to calm down and watch Dumbledore some more.
]-|=|-[
“You know, the Lord Doctor’s got a point.”
“What, that she looks like a toad? We knew that already.”
“Well, that too, but I was specifically talking about the mule.”
“That’s slander about the mule. I’ve known some perfectly nice mules.”
“Is that what you’re calling it? Pervert.”
“Aw, shaddap, Jimmy.”
]-|=|-[
“I’ll bet you…”
“No! No bets about Umbridge! You’re going to make me throw up!”
In the ICW seat, Dumbledore overheard this and winced. He wouldn’t bet on her, either. However, he knew of at least three groups at the ICW that took dubious pleasure in betting about some of the oddest things within their constituency countries.
]-|=|-[
There was no clandestine betting going on at all during the whole time Umbridge was in the witness chair. It was like watching the Hogwarts Express wreck and no one could look away. People felt sick for different reasons, and the call for a recess was roundly welcomed although several had hoped to get time enough to vomit and then have a round or two of whatever spirits they could find.
Unfortunately, they had to pick and choose which to do in the time limit and that didn’t help matters. Most settled for having house elves make sure that the ‘whatever spirits they could find’ was waiting at home. Those without house elf services just grimaced and bore it.
]-|=|-[
Nobody said Amelia Bones was stupid. It was obvious that having Hermione Granger in the witness stand after that odious toad cheered up old Morley-Liddlecoat.
“You don’t suppose…”
“I have no idea. Maybe she reminds him of his favorite granddaughter.”
“He sure is… well, is sociable the right term? I don’t know.”
There was a moment of silence as they tried to fit that to the grumpy old man, then gave up.
“Is this one your Emily mentioned?”
“I think so. Sure looks pretty damn smart. See that look in her eye?”
“Yep, sure enough. That Potter boy had better be on his toes.”
They smirked at each other with a knowing look sharing a place in their eyes. Their wives weren’t dumb by any stretch of their imaginations, so they knew.
“Say, what’s that she’s saying?”
“Something about a Patronus.”
“What?”
]-|=|-[
On the other side of the courtroom, there was a thoughtful mutter.
“I should have offered a bet on her.”
“And I wouldn’t have taken it, Jimmy. I done heard a few things about her.”
“Like what?”
“Well… don’t make her mad. You wouldn’t like it when she’s mad.”
“I gotta hear this.”
]-|=|-[
Harry’s testimony was quite entertaining to everyone, except the two at the defense table. Chuckles rippled up and down the rows, and Dan Granger could be seen with his fist in his mouth trying to be quiet and only mostly succeeding.
Lord Morley-Liddlecoat was amused, but was able to contain it better. His natural grumpiness helped, but it was a near thing.
]-|=|-[
“Well, damn,” Jimmy said. “I didn’t know a Patronus could do that.”
“What, fart? I can do that.”
“Don’t we know it. All you have to do is think about it and you’re ready to blow. Good thing we all know the Bubblehead charm, but I sure do feel bad for your wife.”
A voice chimed in, tagging on.
“I don’t. When she finally decides to run off with his mistress, they’ll both be better off and less smelly, too!”
“Aw, shaddap. I don’t have a mistress.”
“That’s for damn sure, Myles. She couldn’t handle your fish farts, bread farts, whiskey farts, bean farts, water farts, air farts... We’re beginning to think Abitha can’t smell anything anymore.”
“Aw, shaddap.”
The chuckles drowned out his grumbling.
]-|=|-[
Elsewhere…
“I think you owe me a Galleon.”
“For what?”
“Her Patronus was better than his.”
“Are you kidding? That was the funniest thing I’ve seen in my life! Did you see how his hair rippled in the breeze? Well, what’s left of it?”
“Noooooo, I didn’t. I think you’re just trying to weasel out of your bet.”
“Would I do that?”
“Wouldn’t be the first time, you skinflint.”
]-|=|-[
“Take a look at this guy.”
Senior Auror William Thompson had just marched in, his confident steps echoing in the courtroom and being shadowed by the lusty whispers following his path to the witness chair.
“Oh, I am. I like a man in uniform.”
Jimmy squinted at his wife’s answer.
“Are you hinting at our next dress-up, dearest?”
“Oi, Jimmy! We don’t want to hear about what you and missus get up to!”
“I suppose you make bets about that, too? How would you know when to pay off?”
“Well…” The guilty looks around made Jimmy sigh and his wife smirk.
]-|=|-[
“Ten Galleons, Ezra. I think I’ll buy myself a drink, on you, of course.”
“There’s still time for the old fart to say something, Nate.”
Dumbledore grinned to himself. Maybe he’d go find Ezra and join him at the bar after this. Considering what the testimony had revealed today, he could use a drink. Minerva had that strong stuff that made Firewhiskey seem like fruit juice and he was tired of seeing triple while she carried on like nothing was the matter.
Maybe she got whatever it was from Molly. The Twins would make anyone want to drink, especially since he’d made a quiet suggestion or two to them over the years. Away from her hearing, of course.
He grimaced, this time. Maybe the catnip really hadn’t been a good idea that time.
]-|=|-[
“… As for all counts, you’re found guilty. Life in Azkaban for each count, consecutive on each count, no parole, maximum security. Got that?”
“Yes, My Lord.” Perley Bateson had answered quickly.
“Good. I’m done. The Wizengamot is adjourned.”
The gavel went bang.
In the public galleries, Jimmy smirked.
“I was going to bet that he was going to faint, but that would have been too easy. Anyone want to bet about what happens in Azkaban?”
“Oh, I have a few ideas. I know a guy that works there...”
The End